Anakana Schofield – Author of Bina, Martin John and Malarky

Nobody eats or wants zucchini.

Today I collected a bunch of hearty geraniums from a woman in a house out West who offered them on a recycling site to plant in my garden plot. Unfortunately my arms got all scratched up by the vicious zucchini plant, droves of people in red tee shirts entered the garden unable to spell the word marjoram as part of some city wide quiz day, they were scarpering about sweating with blackberrys/ipone’s and by the 25th plus person asking me I told them the solution to the clue was mint. The sun was baking me up, the red tee shirt brigade (I visit the garden for peace and gardening talk not demented joggers on a spelling-bee quest) so I had to abandon ship.

Another tragedy our trolley has been removed from the garden, alas this means it is now three times as difficult to bring the water across to the plots.

Mayor Gregor Robertson PLEASE tell those watery engineers types to turn on the feckin’ water in our garden and stop acting the bollix over a gang of citizens trying to grow flowers and vegetables ensemble.

We are challenged botanically.