Anakana Schofield – Award Winning Author of Bina, Martin John and Malarky

January 4, 2010


We are pleased to inform you that we find merit in your complaint registration # 2048. My name is Ryan and on behalf of the Department of Moaning I will be assessing your case.

To that end please supply me with the following information:

1. The location where the exchange took place.

2. The weather at the time.

3. The precise dialogue.

4. The colour of the pan that contained the duck risotto.

5. The exact language used in relation to the duck risotto and the request to join the acrobatics class.

6. The physical ability of those admiring the duck risotto.

I await your submission.


January 3, 2010

Official compliant complaint register with the world.

Complaint #2048

Why does cookery impress more than gymnastics? If you’re at a party and you say hey you should come to gymnastics. People reply no thank you. If you cook something they’ll say how did you make that? I want to make that. I wish to register a complaint that it’s a disgrace to think that duck risotto usurps a front handspring.

Complaint registered: Jan 2nd 2010. 9.34pm.

Please allow 5-6 weeks for our office to process your complaint. We regret we cannot enter into individual discussions with complainants and will contact you if we require further information. Thank you for your interest in the dept of perpetual moaning.