Anakana Schofield – Author of Martin John and Malarky

Cooking calamity #754(a)

He said he was Indian. It said it was his mother’s recipe. It said it would take 15 mins. It involved 2 cans of chick peas and some other goodies and this famously disastrous cook writing to you.

All I can say is you want to place your left hand on your heart right now and ask all the forces of God and nature to ensure I never open an Indian takeaway in this lifetime nor invite you over to my table to sample my Indian cookery.

I am sure it is an excellent recipe and he is an excellent cook and his mother even better.  I think maybe the ginger blew it. I got my numbers confused and perhaps added a few too many tablespoons of ginger spice.. Then to temper the ginger that turned my mouth to major discomfort above the neckline I added sugar, more sugar, ketchup and finally I saluted the recipe with milk. He, the anon, cookery recipe provider online did not suggest those last four steps. I’d like to apologize to his mother for destroying her recipe with such fervor.

#tummyache.

#othertalents.

#we hope.

Post script Sept 9, 2014. I think he meant teaspoons rather than tablespoons of garam masala. Nothing improved about that mound in the pan overnight which suggests the word leftovers can provoke varied emotions other than relief. 

754(b) was the chia pudding that was not disgusting but certainly dusty and a tad meh meh meh. (think lamb noises)

Postscript. Chia pudding was vastly improved by dumping half a bottle of shop bought chocolate syrup sauce into it, which defeats the purpose of eating chia pudding, but your taste buds do not lie is the savage truth of the matter. Taste buds are not polite alas. 

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