Anakana Schofield – Award Winning Author of Bina, Martin John and Malarky


I have been learning the concertina. I have been practising the concertina. Excessively. I now have a terrific pain in my left shoulder from playing my concertina which is like trying to play a steam engine. I need a much better concertina than this one. In the meantime I am available for weddings and funerals if you wish to be married or die to the strains of the same 8 notes being played again and again and again.

Currently the biggest employment for the concertina is rousing my inert teenager out of bed each morning. (eg middle of the afternoon as it’s summer and he keeps nightclub bouncer hours). There is nothing like the face on him when the concertina starts bellowing at the foot of his bed. It would take a giraffe video to match it.

The other role of my concertina is to create employment for physiotherapists who will have to repair the damage from my eight note interludes so I can continue to earn an actual living doing what I do. The act of typing endless for which somewhere, some excitable researcher is working with a 3D printer to create new shoulders for underpaid freelancers and overwhelmed rugby players.


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