Anakana Schofield – Author of Martin John and Malarky

I thought we were living in concise, sound-byte, times.

Yesterday I responded to a phone company with the complaint that the email they’d sent me was one of the most waffling correspondences I’d ever received and contained no information that was pertinent to the question I’d asked.

Today by reply I receive an ever more waffling correspondence swollen with paragraphs that again tell me very little.

I am not sure I want to engage in a third round, lest the next reply contain so much data it sink my server provider.

The company clearly write to their customers using form emails.  Here are some of my favourite wombling lines from today’s reply:

“I can also provide more info on why certain matters are handled by our Member Care team. I know your time is valuable so I cannot thank you enough for trying to hang in there with me on this, even though you must be looking forward to having everything addressed.”

“As for the division of labour we have, our email team strives to find ways to help our Members with common questions and concerns. With that being said, we are not the same team you get when you call in. Our primary focus is receiving documentation on behalf of other departments and answering general questions (such as pre-sales questions). Checking into upgrade eligibility is one of the things we can do that does not require access to the specifics of your service with us.”

“I would never dream of asking you to call in about something unless it really was how your concerns can be addressed. I assure you this is done only with the intention of getting you the help you are looking forward to”

Note this is only from one of the multiple emails! But their composition maintains this endless paragraph that tells you, well nothing. Except it reasserts continually how much you must be looking forward to information you are unlikely to receive.

Good Grief! Brevity what happened to you?!

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