Anakana Schofield – Author of Bina, Martin John and Malarky

I’m not entirely convinced about celebrating Mother’s Day though my beloved males did prepare a mammy breakfast like no other for me. Champagne! Rice flour pancakes (with a bit of grumbling) and a participatory card. The sausage looked a bit out of place on the pancake. It should have been a more ovarian shape. This is the trouble with sausages. They’re so uncooperative.

In many ways these are not good times to be a mother. There’s so much division around motherhood and people tend to blame mothers and have ludicrous expectations of them.  In someways Mother’s Day is a collective pretending to like mothers while burying your hostility in flowers and pancakes. It’s more like a 24 hr fast than a celebration.

Molly Bloom should have had a line to sum this up. She has one that comes close and could be adapted to the task. You’ve been tasked!

In something of an unfortunate co-incidence I found myself today reading Norman O Brown’s revised take on Freud’s Oedipal Project and anality and castration (via Ernest Becker). It pretty much hosed the happy days effect of the champagne and pancakes.  To reward my epic mothering (disputed this month by some twat, who is about as knowledgeable on the topic as the effects of wearing clogs on Mars, but when it comes to mothering everyone has an opinion for you…) I went to a very high tech car wash that terrified the life out of me because it was so science fiction in its instruments. I’d almost take friends on a tour to this thing it’s so nuts.

On that note I have to go bring supper to the mama with the new baby … his absolute divineness … he is marvellous the new boyo … and his mama is beyond marvellous. She’s mighty.

We will surely swear and laugh a lot and compare notes on banjaxed hips.

What have I learnt about being a mother after 10 years at it? Books, chips, tickles, rockin’ out, big love and comedy are your only mam.  All other provisions and instructions result in the gravest protests and disappointments. (brush your teeth, eat your dinner, mind your brain there and so on).

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