Anakana Schofield – Award Winning Author of Bina, Martin John and Malarky


Today I met an interesting array of women:

I met a woman who fell off a ladder while cleaning the ceiling. Curiously I met her in a place where we were both below in water, so when she pointed up you really had the precise feeling of how far she fell. We both agreed there’s much to be said about falling down, once you’ve fallen down.

I met another woman who never went to a funeral until she was 40. That seemed extraordinary to me. She seemed to have no real conception of people dying. What an extraordinary thing to have 40 years.

There were more women, but I don’t know where they’ve disappeared to. They’ll return and I’ll add them.

Yesterday a man told me he was “in love”. This was another astonishing thing to hear as usually people say they’re tired, then they’re busy, often they tell you where they have been if they’ve left the confines of the city, they might tell you their mother was visiting from x place and finally they tell you what they’re upto. I don’t object to being told any of that list, but I was struck that it could be useful if people expanded the adjectives and got more specific emotionally.

“I’m as hammered as a hard hatted hedgehog”

“My left pupil is destroyed by red hairy lights.”

“I am in love”

“I am not in love”

“I am unlikely to ever be in love.”

“Any chance of a kidney?”


From now on I am firmly committed to inquiring over the health of peoples hips. And how exactly is your hip health I shall ask at a poignant moment? I shall especially commit to this when I am approached by religious recruiters.

One Response to “Array”

  • Lori W. says:

    There’s this movie with Gerard Depardieau in it and I remember this scene where this dowdy woman who has just had a roll in the hay with old Gerard looks at a stranger waiting for the subway and tells him she has just had the most amazing sex in her life. Cracks me up whenever I think of it.

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